Seven: the number of grey areas in my faith (so far)

I've been humbled and left slightly overwhelmed recently. I think I'm living in a grey area, or at least believing and thinking in one, which I suppose would lead to living there.

Deep breath.

A few hours have passed since I began writing this post. I stopped to thoroughly consider what questions I have, what concepts need clarification. Earlier, I over-reacted a bit. First, the debates and articles I've been perusing are written - many of them - by theological scholars and people who've been committed to knowing the Lord a bit longer than I have. Second, it's good to know that I don't know very much (and I'm sure those who know far more than I do would say they don't know very much, either, in the scope of God's infinite knowing). It's also good to recognize the grey areas and seek answers. So that's what I've spent these interim hours pondering.

Here are some questions/ideas/what-have-you-related-to-Christianity that I will be studying and searching out. Asking the Holy Spirit to show me the truth about, and wrestling with those truths 'til He inevitably wins out and pins me. :) Graciously, His victory is mine, as well. Isn't that reason to dance (or sing or laugh or be still...)!

• I've concluded from various readings that I'm a "Calvinist," and would like to dig further into the meat of what that means (I've sort of given the doctrines a once or twice-over), to KNOW and understand DEEPLY the Calvinist world-view and where/how my lifeway should stem from that view. Part of this is the five point TULIP (or RSLEP, as Sproul would prefer). I want to learn the verses that support these doctrines, and the ones that seem to contradict it, and understand why they actually don't contradict. I have an inkling I could probably get this from reading Sproul's Chosen by God several more times (which I probably will), but I'd like to have other sources.

• How does the free will of man co-exist with the Providence of God? Free will is our ability to choose that which we most desire (hence, an unbeliever CANNOT choose God because he/she can not desire Him). If God determines our (brethren's) desires (by putting them in our hearts), isn't he then determining our choices? How could our free choices work together to fulfill God's sovereign plan if He didn't determine those choices? If He is determining our choices, do we have free will at all? Why is it so important that we have free will?

• What are the common, supposed contradictions in the Bible and how are they NOT contradictions (I know the Bible is true, therefore I know it doesn't contradict itself)?

• Regarding denominations: What are they and is there one whose doctrines I agree with 100%? Is it neccesary to/should we label ourselves? How do we work toward/maintain unity within the Body in light of all the denominational separations?

• Regarding Christian Community: How do we break down the walls and LOVE each other? What makes authentic, effective community? How does a church move toward, attain, maintain such community? How is the Church doing at present? What are the effective communities doing differently from the ineffective ones that makes them so(small groups, discipleship, service ministries...)? Does the size of the church effect its quality of authentic community(small churches, larger churches, super churches...)?

• What are the specifics of Intelligent Design (Anthropic Principle)?

• What are "presuppositional" apologetics? Does it then follow that there are "post- suppositional" apologetics? Plain ol' "suppositional?" When the question mark isn't part of the quotation does it still go inside the quotation at the end of the sentence? :)

Dear reader, feel free to (rather, PLEASE DO) comment on said grey areas of my faith. It's quite exciting to have a direction of learning. Also exciting: the tangents that lie ahead, just waiting to beg further questioning (because no direction I've started in thus far has finished the same way... except the one towards Christ)! Alright, Spirit, let's get ready to rumble! :)

The reading list (suggestions most welcome):

• God, The Bible
• Jonathan Edwards, On the Freedom of the Will
• Martin Luther, Bondage of the Will
• Mark Roberts, No Holds Barred: Wrestling with God in Prayer (I don't know if this is related to above q's, but it sounded interesting)
• R.C. Sproul, Chosen by God (again. again. aga...)
• Something from David Heddle about ID :)
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