...the Spirit Himself maketh intercession for us, with groanings which cannot be uttered...

An intensity of feeling and appreciating and knowing that is completely new to me overwhelms my senses... overwhelms my mind, my heart, and even my strength to the point of sitting here immovable, unable to articulate until this moment.

The past two weeks have been strange - there is no other word for it. A depth and fierceness of new perception that I can't quite understand, relieved by the queerest of distractions - unexpected accidents and incidents interspersed with brief moments of surging emotion - immense joy, then a scouring, longing pain as when I first moved home to my unsaved family; here, wide eyes and a smile from the innermost heart, then gripping ache and weeping for joy that has still to be recognized, in order to be cleaved to and freed by. All rages below the surface, save the tears that come like a thunder storm on a summer afternoon - where sunshine flooded just a moment before, now darkness invades and pours forth torrent and shuddering and drenching waters that do not seem to refresh - only to cease and move on with equal brevity, leaving behind puddles, but also a rainbow as the light works its way back to fullness of shine.

Freedom in Joy remains the definition of my experience, but this undercurrent of longing is entirely different, and I pray it be made useful if it must continue to exist. There is goodness in it already in that I must hourly cling to my Savior's feet and find my peace and strength there in the closeness of His presence. I can only look to where He is before me and beside me, and live today here, where we are together. I cannot try to look down the path to where we are going because nothing has been revealed to see... therein lies only impatience in not seeing, and that profits none. I am learning to be a present-dweller: to faithfully trust Him to lead and be most thankful for His very being.

My Abba, my Master, my Sovereign, my Perfect Love. You know.