Perhaps this will clarify some questions

This is a response to a comment and an email from a reader that may be asking things similar to what others are thinking.

Dear Pascha,

Thank you so much for your thoughts. I will try and share my heart with you - it can be easy to misinterpret each other when we don't know each other at all, really. I want to hear you and respond to what your intent is. Please forgive me if I misread your words - and let me know so I can better understand your heart.

To address your question about moderating comments and deleting those that don't "add to readers' understanding": I definitely don't mean that I only want comments that address God or spiritual thoughts... I was trying to be tactful - but perhaps I should just straight-out say, I will delete comments that have no intention of provoking intelligent thought. I don't mean that arrogantly. It's just that I receive comments that are clearly meant only to degrade or mock without actually reading what I've written. Readers who see "Christian" and automatically judge me and assume I'm stupid and narrow-minded, and so comment without taking the time to try and understand my thought or perspective.

Those are the comments that I am not going to post. If you read what I write and think about it - (please try not to get stuck on every written word - read between the lines a bit as you would with other articles) and have thoughts to add or challenge, AWESOME! My posts tend to be on what I'm learning in Scripture or in life in general - and my faith is central in that learning, but you are welcome to comment on any aspect, spiritual or otherwise.

As for your response to Ram Dass' consolation letter: I'm afraid I mis-represented Ram Dass if the impression left is that he believes the girl was murdered because her work was done. I don't think that was his thought at all, actually. He believed that she died because it was her time to die. If you are able to rent and watch the documentary "Ram Dass" you may understand him better. I definitely don't agree with his thought - there is truth in it, but our motivations are completely different. If you read the post on my blog "God's visible work among my schoolmates" you'll see more of my heart as far as where I agree with Hindu/yoga/Buddhist thought and where I totally disagree and cannot stand behind it. If you have questions regarding that, let me know.

The girl's parents were on the documentary because Dass' letter to them gave them hope and perspective and they were very grateful to him. Again, I don't believe the hope he offered them was, in its essence, a true hope. Ram Dass is not a Christian; his gods are not my God. This may sound arrogant to you - I can only say that I haven't always been a Christian. For the majority of my life I hated God - I didn't believe He existed - and I made fun of Christians and tried to make them stumble as well as I could.

But my heart has been changed, and I truly believe that only Christ offers lasting hope. I can share more of my beliefs in that regard if you wish.

Christians have differing views on what God ordains in our lives and what He allows. The Bible clearly says that He is in control of all that comes to pass. Some believe that He ordains the good and allows the bad. Honestly, I don't believe this. It is hard to swallow, and I don't fully understand it (I may never until I meet Him in heaven), but at this point my thought is that God indeed is sovereign over our every step, and our every choice. Many disagree with me on this - and I'm sure I'll receive angry comments from Christians and non-Christians - but I really don't see humans as having free will in the way it is often thought of.

This is just where I am at right now - I pray for wisdom and knowledge and to continue learning, and I may well be proven wrong. But what I see at this point in my journey is that from God's perspective, our desires and choices are not our own. From our perspective, they are. We need to live our lives with the immediate perspective that our choices are our own - that we're responsible for doing what is right and pleasing to God, according to His word (the bible). We need to work each day to be "better people." And yet, from God's perspective, He already knows each choice we will make. He has a Plan that will come to pass (because God is eternal and has no end or beginning, it has already come to pass to Him. He knows the end already.). This is where my questions come in. If God's sovereign Plan will and is happening, then how are we making free choices? From God's perspective, I don't think we are. But from our perspective, we are. Does that make sense?

I don't know how God can not author evil, and yet evil is in the world He created. Even before humankind came in to being, He had created the angels, and some of the angels turned on Him - are you familiar with how Satan came to be a fallen angel? An unanswered question is, "Where did that sinful desire in Satan come from?" I don't know. And I know of no scholar that does know.

But what I do know is that God is good, and He works all for good, including evil. Even Satan is under the sovereignty of God and cannot do anything without God's permission. And God does permit him. You may like to read the book of Job in the old testament of the bible. In case you're not familiar, Job was a man who loved God (this is before Christ. Job was a Jew - one of God's holy people under the old covenant, looking ahead to the coming of the Messiah (savior) - who Christians believe was Jesus Christ) and was blameless before Him. Satan went to God in heaven and challenged Him, saying that "yeah, Job loves You now while he has lots of children and animals and land. But You take away those things and watch: he'll curse You." (that's me paraphrasing) So God allowed Satan to kill Job's animals. Job still loved God. Then God allowed Satan to kill Job's family. Job still loved God. And one by one, God allowed Satan to take all that Job had, including his health, and Job continued to say that God gave him all, and God could take away all, but he would keep serving Him because He is good. If you're willing, read it. It's really humbling.

Does this all seem really absurd? I guess it makes sense to me because I see the point of my life and all that is in it as being here for God's purposes. It may be sufferable to me - painful, hard, seemingly making no sense - but I know without a doubt that God is good, and I am here to serve Him. I know that whatever comes to pass is the best that could come to pass, because God works things the best way.

I am thankful in all things - I am thankful for suffering that God allows me to go through (or puts me through) because it does indeed test my faith. The thing is, while God gives me trials, He is also right here holding me through those trials. He gives me peace and strength in the midst of them - such that makes no sense to those looking on. I should be falling apart with the tragedy, but I'm not because my God is holding me and loving me and keeping His promise to work all out for good. I know this closeness with Him because I've had to humble myself before Him and accept His lordship over my life. I am not my own - Jesus died a brutal death to pay for my sinfulness so that God can now look on me, and instead of seeing my sinfulness, He sees the perfection of His Son, Jesus, covering me. Does that make sense? Jesus' death is the only thing that allows me to live the life that I now live, and that I will live eternally. Because of that, I owe my life to serving and knowing Him.

This is so hard to write the whole of. There is so much that I'm not writing because it would fill pages upon pages. It's important to share, though, that this service to God that I owe is a priviledge to me. I love being a servant of God. I love that my life belongs to Him and will be used as He wishes. Because it's the best life that I could ever have! It must sound like I'm trapped - but ironically, I am free! :) There is great peace in knowing that my life is unfolding exactly as God wants it to - every minute. Yes, including the pain and suffering.

The suffering is not just bearable, but something to be grateful for, because I know God is working through it, and I know that He's working to complete me more and more until I die and am fully completed. (in heaven, I will be made like Christ - I will be sinless and perfect. That is a hope that keeps me going.) I know that this life is temporary - it is a brief moment in the spanse of eternity. I endure suffering here, knowing that it will soon be over.

Are you seeing more clearly where I'm coming from in my thoughts?

Pascha, thank you for being respectful in your comment and email. I do appreciate that. I am hurt by attacks, though I can deal with them, and they are expected, but it's refreshing to just have a conversation - if typing can be called that. :)

I hope this may have clarified some things for you. Please be gracious with me - I don't have all the answers and I have a lot of growing to do. I mean no offense to you, nor do I want you to feel like you have to be defensive, so I truly apologize if I have offended you or put you on edge in any way.

I hope I will hear from you again.

Thank you,
Amanda