Ahh... (as in, "Oh, I see")

Oswald Chambers hits home again.

It is a snare to imagine that God wants to make us perfect specimes of what He can do; God's purpose is to make us one with Himself...If you go off on this idea of personal holiness, the dead-set of your life will not be for God, but for what you call the manifestation of God in your life...

The thing that tells for God is not your relevant consistency to an idea of what a saint should be, but your real vital relation to Jesus Christ, and your abandonment to Him whether you are well or ill. Christian perfection is not, and never can be, human perfection. Christian perfection is the perfection of a relationship to God which shows itself amid the irrelevancies of human life...

I am called to live in perfect relation to God so that my life produces a longing after God in other lives, not admiration for myself. Thoughts about myself hinder my usefulness to God. God is not after perfecting me to be a specimen in His showroom; He is getting me to the place where He can use me. Let Him do what He likes.

I begin my internship tomorrow at a podiatric practice. I get to be like Jesus and wash people's feet. :) This shall be my verse as I work clinically below what I am able with unbelieving doctors and staff and patients: "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse geneation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life..."

Verses that strengthened me last night as I went to God with so many questions and searching for Security:

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

The things which you learned and received and heard and saw in me, these do, and the God of peace will be with you.

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Amen.

"Your word is sweet nourishment to my soul, Father. I am comforted and given peace. Your grace flows from Your Word to me. Thank you." (my journal)

Your testimonies are my delight and my counselors.

My soul melts from heaviness; strengthen me according to Your word.

Let Your mercies come also to me, O Lord -
Your sanctification acccording to Your word.
So shall I have an answer for him who reproaches me,
For I trust in Your word.

And I will walk at liberty,
For I seek Your precepts.

You are my hiding place and my shield,
I hope in Your word.

Uphold me according to Your Word, that I may life,
And do not let me be ashamed of my hope.

I rejoice at Your word
As one who finds great treasure.

"God's road to marriage stays on the high ground between the two extremes (lawlessness and legalism). It doesn't abandon the Bible's principles and commands, but neither does it resort to formulas." (Boy Meets Girl, Joshua Harris)

journal:

"I was so stressed this afternoon/evening. But Lord, remind me that I live for You alone. You have brought D into my life at this moment. Why would I try to write him out? Why stress about what's coming? You will take my heart where it needs to go to meet his. You will heal and teach and lead in Your perfect timing. Father, I choose to enjoy each step of the way.

I'm sick of analyzing everything about myself. I just want to enjoy BEING. Life is so good - God is so good. HE loves me unconditionally. That should be my foundation and my security. I'm feeling more insecure by spending so much time focusing on my state and my parents influence. When I focus on knowing the Lord, then I am strong and sturdy."

Today was a really great day. I'll have to blog about it sometime.