Calmer of the Storm

When everything is wrong,
Day has passed and nothing's done,
And the whole world seems against me;
When I'm rolling in my bed,
There's a storm in my head;
I'm afraid of sinking in despair.

Teach me, Lord, to have faith that what You're bringing me
will change my life and bring You glory.
There on the storm I am learning to let go
of the will that I so long to control.
There may I be in Your arms eternally;
I Thank You, Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.

You rebuke the winds and the waves,
Once again I find I'm amazed
at the power of Your will.
'Cause I'm a child of little faith,
I feel the wind and forget Your grace,
And You say, "Peace, be still."
Teach me, Lord, to have faith that what you're bringing me
will change my life and bring You glory.

There on the storm I am learning to let go
of the will that I so long to control;
There may I be in Your arms eternally.
Thank You, Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.

Oh, when the torrent blows in the middle of the sea
May I never trust, never trust in me.
'Cause there in Your arms I find no tragedy.

There on the storm I am learning to let go;
The white waves high, it's crashing over the deck,
And I don't know where to go.
Where are You Lord?
Is this ship going down?
The mast is gone, so throw the anchor;
Should I jump and try to swim to land?

There on the storm,
Teach me, God, to understand of Your Will that I just cannot control.
There may I see all Your love protecting me;
I thank You, Lord, You are the calmer of the storm.

Tonight my brother speaks truth to deaf ears.

Beautiful Writing

"The water gleamed, the sky burned with gold, but all was rich and dim, and
his eyes fed upon it undazzled and unaching. The very names of green and gold, which he used perforce in describing the scene, are too harsh for the
tenderness, the muted iridescence, of that warm, maternal, delicately gorgeous
world. It was mild to look upon as evening, warm like summer noon, gentle and
winning like early dawn. It was altogether pleasurable. He sighed."

from Perelandra by C.S. Lewis

Giving Thanks

I came home from work tonight and sat at the table in the kitchen, Mom and Dad on the couch in the living room. There's an open entry-way between the rooms, so we're actually pretty close together. Dad said (with assurance, confidence, and decidedness), "I'm doing grace this year, Amanda."

"Cool," I replied. Because that's exactly what it is.

Dance with Me

These are the lyrics of a new favorite song that Karissa gave me:

Many songs will fade away,
And few things will remain.
Melodies and harmonies will change;
Melodies and harmonies will change.
But I'm hearing a new song;
But I'm hearing a new song.

I'm beginning to hear the angels cry, "Holy!"
Oh, love song of God, rise in me!
I'm surrounded by You,
Here in Your glory.
Oh, love song of God, rise in me!

I want to be romanced by the King of the Ages,
I don't want to sing of a passion I've never known.
I want to get lost in the beauty of Jesus,
To dance through the night around Your throne.

I want to be romanced by the King of the Ages,
I don't want to sing of a passion I've never known.
I want to get lost in the beauty of Jesus,
To dance through the night around Your throne.

To dance through the night around Your throne.

So dance with Me,
Dance with Me;
Dance with Me,
Dance with Me.

I want to be romanced;
I want to be romanced...

I want to be romanced by the King of the Ages,
I don't want to sing of a passion I've never known,
Want to get lost in the beauty of Jesus,
To dance through the night around Your throne...

To dance through the night around Your throne..

I just want to dance with You,
Another time around Your throne...

"Dance with Me"
Evan C. Earwicker

click here for lyrics and chords.

Any Grandad of hers is a Grandad of mine

My dear, dear friend Karissa is visiting right now. We were dormies at Trinity Western University, Fall 2003. In May I went to her home in Oregon and stayed about a week with her three sisters, two brothers, and a handful of her brother's friends who were as comfortable there as anyone. I became a family member that week, after receiving the Grandad Lecture when we spent the day at Oma and Grandad's for Mother's Day:

Eat well, exercise, go to school, make sure you marry a good man. That was the gist of it. Within that context came all sorts of advice on dietary supplements, being useful to God (not just waiting around to get married), keeping my head on straight (not using drugs or being generally excessive with anything), getting to know that man before I go committing my life to him.

All good things, certainly. And he'd never met me before, so how could he know what wisdom I'd already been given and had decided to live out in my life?

Thinking of Grandad, I can only smile - he simply cared about me, and I love that. He left no doubt of his affection: when we readied to leave, he requested a hug with a simple, "Come here, beautiful," and open arms. Were only my own kin so generous.

Growing up in the LORD... Bronx, NY (2002, age 19)

I enjoy looking back through my first days as a Christian, and seeing the work of the LORD in my heart and life. Reminisce with me, if you please. These journal entries were written in the first few months that I lived in New York. I'd been committed to following Jesus for about a year (beginning September of my senior year of high school when my friend Jessi began discipling me. I graduated in June and moved to NYC on 16 August 2002).

Excerpted from Journal on 22 August 2002 (six days after moving to the Bronx):

This book [The Pleasures of God by John Piper] is so awesome: How much more I need to delight in the glory of God and His Son and creation. His sovereignty is so amazing. I pray that I would trust it already. I feel these uncertainties that to me ARE indeed uncertain, but to God are already solved and complete and GOOD in Him. I pray that I would feel wholly certain in God's certainty.

23 August 2002:

Right now I would like to go for a long bike ride through country roads, run the three mile circle around my neighborhood, listen to nothing but the birds and the wind.

The pigeons are taking their bath in the rain puddle on the building across the street. Six of them. As always, I hear cars, alarms, people yelling, talking, car doors slamming, a truck backing up, Julie eating an apple. I am homesick for quiet.

26 August 2002:

I feel like God is placing it on my heart to help the nations of this world. To help the children. To show compassion and find the justice in foreign policy. To bring love and compassion to foreign policy. To spread the love of Jesus Christ. To write about what's going on in the world and how we need to help. To learn the cultures, beliefs, histories, politics, arts, musics, dances, sports, the lives of the world so that I can be one with them and show them Jesus. Or tell them about Him. If I can up and move to and live in New York, I can do it anywhere.

Here I have at my fingertips so much information and people of so many cultures. I need to get to the museums and library and start learning. There are so many facets of human life.

I'm feeling like one of the hugest reasons God brought me here was to show me where to go next. So with God's will, if He has it for me, perhaps I go to school next year, graduate in three with my class, and begin world travels. Hopefully with a husband who also wants to share Jesus with the world. But it is all God's will and plan. So I will pray and stay in the Word, and He will reveal my path to me.

20 September 2002:

I'm reading Luke for my devotions this week. I love reading about Jesus. I wish I could read about His life growing up! But I don't know where it'd be. I guess in the four apostles - or maybe apostle is the wrong title... anyway...

28 September 2002:

How often I sit and think about my life - where I've been and where I hope to go. And I'm so grateful that God is a part of me now. Showing and teaching me always, giving me perspective and, hopefully, wisdom. Do I dwell too much on the past? Reminiscing about old friends and memories. It's very different to be in a place where people don't know me. I grew up in a school with the same kids. We knew each other not just by face or name, but by person. To start fresh is difficult. I like the person God has molded me into, so the "clean slate" appeal is rather irrelevant. I like small towns - quiet, privacy, intimacy, closeness... It is a completely different culture from the city. I look forward to settling there someday and raising a family.

I am glad, however, to be sampling a taste of this life. Glad that I now know it's not my preference! :) Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine I am sitting on the big rock under the stars, and I can hear the tree frogs and crickets and whip-or-whills and smell the grass and trees on the breeze. Feel the light wind across my face and through my hair. Only to be awakened by a car alarm or swearing mother lost in hopelessness and rashing out as her only release. And my heart aches and cries and longs not for my own peace, but for hers. And for the children who are helpless and just as lost as their mom. Love is not too much to ask for, but is so often too much to give here. So I pray. Because what else can I do?

8 October 2002:

There is a dog in the building who never makes any happy sounds. He howls so sadly. It breaks my heart and I want to kidknap him and bring him to New Hampshire.

I'll continue sharing more excerpts from this journey in the coming days.

She is a fighter! Meet Rory:

Here is a recent post from Rory, a just-turned-fifteen year old girl with Leukemia and a beautiful heart in love with Jesus, fighting for life but submitted to His will. Read and be amazed.

hey everyone..i dont have much to say today. just another ordinary "germ free" day...woo...hoo...

i love you all for your comments...everyone of you are amazing and i am so thankful for you guys.

so my brothers, yes all 12 of them, sent me a monkey w toe socks on..lol..they are incredible, i love monkies and toesocks, and i begged and begged my nurses to let me have it in my room, so they finally sanitized it for me, and i get to cuddle it and have a lil happiness in my room. and knowing its from my brothers makes it 1000x better. i miss all of them so much. i miss Rob the most, we are identical twins and we have never been apart for more than a day. this is torture for us both and of course the rest of my family.

i cannot breath very well anymore, i have to wear one of those oxygen masks full time now. my Dr. wont tell me straight out why this is happening, but i know. it is b/c im starting to lose my battle. but im not done fighting! it is not my time to go yet, i know it. God will let me know when i need to quit fighting and let him take me home. and it is not right now.

one of the perks to being in isolation, is...sound proof walls. so i can listen to music. that is the only perk, but hey, its a good one i guess lol. i have been listening to Casting Crowns, and Matthew West, and Relient K. those are my 3 favrit bands. they keep my spirits up, somewhat, i guess. whch is good.

i read Psalms 31 last night. and it reminds me of what sooo many people are going through, not just me, many many many more people are going through the same and worse. i would type it, but i am so tired, and i just finished chemo for today and dont feel to good. so if you read this, read Psalms 31 and pray for all of those people and children and teens who are being bullied, or going through cancer, or anything that is important to them and you that may not be somthing as big, but is huge to them. we all have our own mountain to climb, whether it be chemo or just going to school, or facing a person. it is hard for you or that pwrson and they need our prayers to.

well, that is all i have for now, your all in my prayers as well....

rory

Earlier in the week she wrote:

I saw somthing that really amazed me today. i have a window in my room that looks out into the PICU (pediatrics intensive care unit), it is there so nurses can look in on me incase somthing was to happen and i needed help and just to check in on me. today, i saw a couple that could not have been more than 18, either that or they just looked very young...they have a newborb baby across the hall that i can see perfectly. it is a girl, she is so tiny, i asked about her to one of my nurses, and she told me the baby was only 5 months along when she was born. she weighs only 1lb! she is so tiny. and she cannot breath on her own or even eat. but she is now 6 days old. she shouldnt have survived the night she was born. she is just a tiny thing and she is so strong, the nurse tells me she has such a strong grip, it would amaze me. she is such a small baby, i cant believe she is a human, how God could make such a tiny little girl, and how he could make her be so strong! it shows me, that, God can make tiny miracles just like her, he can let her survive, and i pray that she does make it. because she is adorable and is perfect other then her weight and not being able to breath or eat. but if she can just fight, she will be able to eat on her own, breath on her own someday. she has no mental disabilities or anything like that. she was simply born to early. but my point was, if a tiny innocent helpless baby can fight that strongly, i can to. i was about ready to give up and let go, i was, and i still am so tired, but i want to graduate high school, and graduate college. i want to be a forensic scientist, and get married and have a family, before i go home w/ God and Jesus. and i am determined to make those dreams come true. that tiny little miracle, and all of your guy's support, has motivated me to keep going. and i will fight till i beat this, or till God tells me it is time to let go and come home. i just wish onne of those things would hurry up and happen. hopefully the survivng dream, but if that is not in the cards for me, that it is ok, i am not afraid. God will do what he has planned for me.

visit Rory's blog, encourage her, pray for her... www.xanga.com/rory_goes_rawr

Pray for Eric

Please pray for a man named Eric. He is 31 years old and was diagnosed with HIV in June of 2004. Like all of us, he desperately needs a Savior. Pray the LORD brings him to repentance and that he'd find forgiveness in Jesus Christ, and a new life in the face of imminent death by this disease.

Pray the LORD brings Christians into his life to love him unconditionally and care for him. Pray he might know true joy for the first time... peace and freedom from the bondage of sin... acceptance as an adopted son of the Most High God.

Pray he would be reconciled to the Father.

In Christ's name, AMEN.

"Every breath that is in your lungs is a tiny little gift to me."

-from Matthew's blog

My eternal family, you are invaluable to me. I thank God for each one of you. My LORD, my Love, I thank You for being Yourself - and giving me all that You are. You are so Beautiful, so Good; You Are.

Pray for Jeff

Please pray for a man named Jeff. Pray the LORD would draw him to Himself strongly and undeniably. Pray that he gets connected with a Bible-believing/teaching, love-filled, Spirit-filled church body. Pray the Christians in his life grow in their own walks and encourage him in the Truth of Scripture.

In Christ's name,
Amen.

Family Thanks

I invited Tyrone over for Thanksgiving today. He very somberly said no. He stays to himself; he's been hurt too many times in his life. I hope he may change his mind.

Thanksgiving at our house is a riot and a half. :) My mom's side of the fam comes over (she has seven brothers and two sisters) with their families.

Here's a family tree: Gram and Grandpa (mom's parents)

Aunt Nan and Uncle Lou: Caryn, 29 (husband Matt, 26), Laura, 25(husband Shaun, 26), and Greg, 22 (girlfriend since grade 11 - he just graduated college - Katie, 23)

Aunt Polly and Ron: Brittany, 15 and Courtney, 13

Uncle Austin and Debbie... well, he used to be married to Valerie, who had Tiffany, 25, who has Christian, 6 or 7.

Bridgette and Dave (was married to Uncle Mike who died in 1997): Amy, 20 and Elizabeth, 15

Mom and Dad: Heath, 23 and me, 22

Uncle Steven and Kimmie: Nathaniel, 20 months

Uncle Dennis and Aunt Lisa (separated): Austin, 15 and Ethan, 13

Uncle Pete and Sarah: Keegan, 5

Uncle Tommy: Mikey and his daughter

Uncle Keith

Uncle Timmy, 25

Together, we have a fun, loud time eating, cleaning up, playing games (playing 'spoons' with my uncles is the BEST!!), talking (there are a few animated story-tellers in our family - though, Uncle Mike was by far the best; he died eight years ago.) If there's snow, we go sledding - that hasn't happened in recent years. Uncle Dennis documents our "I'm thankful for's" on video adding his own commentary. This year, though, Uncle Steven is coming up from Georgia, so he may take over that role. Uncle Steven looks like Tom Cruise (at least he did in younger years. haha. sorry :) ) and acts like Jim Carrey. He's naturally one center of attention. And now he and Kimmie have a little boy! Nathaniel is almost two, and so cute. Kimmie is Lao, Uncle Steven caucasion, and Nathaniel an adorable combination.

My little cousins are always fun - they're not so little anymore. Well, Christian is still little. He's six, I think. Maybe seven? yikes. He adds more ethnicity to our family - he's half Jamaican. I love my cousins so much - it's really neat, watching them grow into people.

Anyway, I look forward to the holidays because lately we don't see each other enough. Everyone has sort of moved away a bit and is doing their own thing. Shaun and Laura are looking to move back to NH soon to start a family (right now they live on Long Island) - that will be so much fun. Babies!! :)

I love my family - we've been through a lot together. As of now, none of them are saved except my parents. Caryn's husband Matt's family are born again, but he isn't walking with the Lord at the moment. We've had some good conversations. Maybe my dad will thank God for our meal this year - I've been saying the prayer the past couple years, and I've always felt a bit odd (it just seems like the place of the man of the house.) As so often is the case: we shall see.

There's much to be thankful for everyday.

'Each, single person is of the utmost importance to God. He takes joy in the honor of one being. And His plan is definite - it is incorruptible. Invinceable. And what seems so unlikely, or ungodly even, is part of it. His will will be done. He may use confusing methods - He can. He's God. To ask the questions of "why?" is futile. Trust. We must trust.' (excerpted from Journal Entry 15 Jan 2005)

"Help me stand,
when it's more than I can do
not to fall."
-David Meece

Knowing You, Jesus: There is no greater thing

God is good, He is everywhere, and His glory is undeniable when seen for what it is. May our eyes be open today!

We live within an ever-changing masterpiece! Don't you love it?! Do you see it?

Have you shown the LORD that you love Him, yet today? Have you loved God today the way you long to be loved; shared with Him what you long for your spouse to share with you? Listened the way you want to be listened to?

What makes you love someone more deeply? Knowing them more deeply, right? And choosing to love them? How do we get to know God more deeply? And love Him - all three persons of Him - because we know Him and choose to love?

We get to know Him as we read His Words to us in the Bible and as we talk to Him in prayer; as we are still, listening for answers as we think about what we're reading and what we're asking in prayer. We get to know Him as we ask our questions, and wrestle with doubt, confusion, and frustration before Him. We get to know Him as we celebrate with Him! as we tell Him what we know about Him, what we love about Him, and what we don't get about Him. We get to know Him as we choose to love even those parts we don't get, or don't like. Just like we choose (or will choose, or really should choose) to love even those parts of our spouses.

Just like with any intimate relationship - we have to spend time with the LORD in order to know Him more and grow to love Him more. Yep, it does take a lot of effort. But it's worth it! Our relationship with the LORD (Father, Jesus Christ, Holy Spirit) is the only thing worth our WHOLE HEARTS -

--He may cost us everything in this world, literally (He does cost us everything in that we surrender it to His will and relinquish our control and possession of it all), and even then (having lost all material things, all stature, all health, all family and friends) we would still have all we need for Life and full Joy in having a relationship with the Father, through Christ, in the power of the Spirit.

When we truly know the Person of God, His character and His perfect love, then we also truly know that He is the Pearl for which we'd sell all to possess.

But only in knowing Him.