In His service, for His purposes, and to His praise

I have sat down to type this entry I don't know how many times; probably as many as I have sat down with a pen and my journal to record there... I leave Sunday night for Ankara, Turkey, and as oft I've tried to write about it, I've been unable. But I need you to pray for me - while I ready to go, and especially while I'm there - so this may read efforted, but it shall read nonetheless.

I have been reading Acts the past few weeks, and I think what is overwhelming me about this trip is the fact that I'm going to be treading the ground where my early brethren lived and died for Christ; where they were visited and ministered to in person by Paul, receiving his letters and living by them - the same letters that I read and live by.

Too, I don't know much of what to expect, so I suppose I'm avoiding speculation... I want to live the experience as God lays it out.

I fly out of Boston Sunday night, arriving at London Heathrow Monday morning. Then I'll spend the day and fly out for Ankara Monday night. I always enjoy flying and seeing who the Lord puts in my path to get to know. Air-travel relationships are interesting: You have at least two hours next to a person, and you're both either heading on an adventure or returning from one (even if it seems a mundane adventure), and most likely you'll never see each other again (at least in this life). I will have about six hours with this person. Then six hours in an airport where I may meet other people, and then four hours with another person on the way to Turkey. So please pray for travel mercies: not so much that we don't crash (because I really wouldn't mind going Home), but that I might connect with other travelers and glorify God in our interactions, whatever that entails.

When I arrive in Turkey, the family from my home church who now lives there will meet me and bring me to my dwellings. I will be staying with Tammy, 30, who has lived there for seven years and speaks fluent Turkish; and Liz, 25, who is Korean-American. I don't know how long she has been living there, or where Tammy is from originally. I do know that one of them is a kindergarten teacher, and the other a fourth grade teacher.

During the just-over-two-weeks of my stay, I will be helping Liz and Tammy in their classrooms and doing whatever else is useful. I really just want to get to know these women and their students, to love them as I'm able, and to see what God has been doing in this school I've been praying for. I wonder what God has to teach me; what He is bringing me half around the world to learn. I wonder what worshiping with my Turkish and missionary brethren will be like - they are part of the 2% "other" religious group in the country. 98% being Muslim, primarily Sunni. We will celebrate our Lord's death and resurrection together - I will be there for Easter.

Of other things of interest: I would like to learn some common Turkish phrases and whatever else of the language I can pick up; the cooking of Turkish meals to make back here in the States. Thank you, Mom, for letting me borrow your digital camera! I hope I come home with images to remember by - though some memories are always better left uncaptured. The Lundys are preparing to take me to a Mosque and to a Bazaar and to a museum, I'm not sure what kind.

I will have internet access while there, so you can be sure I will write, when time. At least I will keep my journal, and can always type what is penned when I return.

Pray I will be open to the Lord's teaching and leading, that I will listen and obey; pray we women may encourage and challenge each other as we live and serve together; pray I may come home with a renewed vigor for spreading the Good News and building up my brethren here and away; pray my local church may catch the vigor themselves in seeing God's work in Turkey; pray God may be GLORIFIED in me here and abroad, and that whatever most glorifies Him will come to pass. That is a prayer that will always be answered, "Yes." :)

In His service, for His purposes, and to His praise,
your sister and fellow pilgrim,
Amanda

Prayers of a woman pursuing righteousness

A cast over the past few weeks wherein I blogged not.

12 February 2006

It is after noon now; I am just settling in my bunk to read and feast upon the Word of my Lord which I have neglected this week. I miss You, Father. How is it that I love You and yet ignore the beautiful gift of Truth that is so accessible if I only open its cover? Forgive me, Father. I grieve You, I hurt You, I disappoint You; I leave You only wanting me to draw near... You love me -- why do I so easily live without loving You back with all of my time and energy - my strength? Forgive me for staying up to talk to Dave, but not You.

Thank You for my brother and his gentle example of holiness and devotion to You. Without saying a word to this end he has made me long to cling to Your words and know You more. Simply by the man after Your own heart that he is.

Father, I open Your word now. Open my heart, I pray. My heart is hungry and thirsty and in need of You. Please teach me; reveal Yourself to me. Lord, I ask for wisdom from Your Book of Truth, Your Book of Life. I pray You would convict me - show me wickedness and give me grace to overcome it. I pray for passion - open my eyes to Your Beauty. Speak to me powerfully - with grace and gentleness as You do: a compelling combination.

Lord, I love You. I am amazed by You. I see Your strong and gentle hands working, probing, softening... never striking the downtrodden or contrite. Your rod and Your staff, they comfort...

14 February 2006

Valentine's Day. I love You, Lord.

Lord, God, thank You for another day to serve You here and seek You. I pray that You would use me today - I know You do everyday. Thank You for this time together to begin the day well. I am priviledged beyond understanding to be Your beautiful daughter when I chose to be hateful and ugly. Thank You for changing my heart almost five years ago. You have been so faithful in continuing the process of change and growth and depth each step of the way.

"I'm not who I was when I took my first step, and I'm clinging to the promise that You're not through with me, yet."

Father, You truly are my Heavenly Dad; my perfect, all-knowing, ever-present Dad. Take care of me, Father. You do and You are, I know. Your love for me is deep and vast. And Your desire for Your glory is immeasurable and all-encompassing. This is why I trust Your working Hand. You will not be scorned by Your creation. Not in the final day.

Father, I have at my fingertips Your most precious Word. Holy and able for all I need in this life and the next. Open my eyes to see You in it this morning, Lord. Teach me and transform me. Convict me of the ways in which my heart and life are not in accordance, and Father, pour on me grace upon grace provided by the death and resurrection of Your Son. Help me to grow, I pray. Teach me Your ways and lead me. I love Your Word and Your statutes. Help me to walk in them; to act justly, love mercy, and walk humbly...

Be glorified in me today, I pray. Be my strength, my joy, my peace, my patience, my All in All. I love You; I am Yours. Here am I - do with me what You will. I trust You.

In Christ's name alone I pray, AMEN. ...

Help me to seek Your will, Father. And to be OBEDIENT to that which You reveal. Revelation profits nothing if it is not obeyed with the whole heart. You are honored and glorified in my obedience...Thank You that You are infallible and Your will is perfect and just and merciful and good.

Oh, Lord, I simply thank You for this life - THIS LIFE! I love You more than I even know. I am so glad to be back in fellowship with You. When I draw near, You are there to meet me. Thank You. I want never to be far again. Forgive me, Father. I know my heart's tendency to stray. BIND MY WANDERING HEART TO THEE. In Christ's name again I pray. Amen.

20 February 2006

Holy Father. It still captures my mind and seals my heart to fathom that I may come before You, call You by name, and make my requests known to You. It humbles me to think on who You are, and how at the same moment You seek Your glory and love me! ...that loving me somehow brings You glory. I am just a gathering of dust - yet You breathed into me and made this dust alive, with Your name and praises on my lips! I love You, Father.

I open Your word tonight, in Your presence and under Your authority - ready to listen and learn and obey - with great reverence and awe.

You are God. You are Holy. You are Mighty. You are Worthy.

And You are my Dad. I love You, Lord. Tonight I simply ask that You would be with me, speaking truth to my heart. I pray I would see You more clearly tonight. I don't want to sleep without having had my eyes opened!

I pray all these to You, Father, in the name and blood of You dear, risen Son - Jesus Christ - in Whom You are well pleased. Amen.

21 February 2006

If there is one thing I have learned, it is that feelings are not reliable. Resolved am I to lead with the will.

22 February 2006

Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.

I have been humbled - I see again how far have I to go on this journey of knowing You more. I want it, though. Indeed, I want to know You more.

25 February 2006

He knows [my computer instructor, Mike] I'm a Bible-reading Christian. Now I am held accountable by my conscience to live as one before him - in ALL my ways. To be a godly woman. Loving and gracious, but truthful and holy and not flirting in any way.

Father, I pray for him; I pray You would give opportunities to share the gospel - I pray You would prepare his heart for truth - that You would open his eyes and make Your word LIVING to him. That You would give him understanding and break his will - to desire Yours and follow.

11 March 2006

Overwhelmed with emotions at present. My hands are thrown up in the air. So much is out of control - yet it is perfectly in Your control. I'm tired again. Fed up. Lives and thoughts around me are so ------ IT IS PROFANE! Lord, these situations are profane! What's going on?! Why are You letting Your children be so far off course? I need Your patience and Your understanding, because mine has run out. In and of myself, I am FINISHED. But I do not work only in and of myself, and so Lord, fill me back up, I pray - equip me and ready me and steady me to go on. Pour me out again. Ships may crash, but in the end their lives will be saved. Help me to see beyond the wreak, to the distant Shore of Landing.

Lord, I feel broken - like I just need to be fixed. I wish there was some solution that would make me all better - whole and complete. An answer to all the questions. A step-by-step guide to understanding.

But that's sanctification - a Process in faith that will continue as long as I am in this imperfect body.

Rest, where is it?
When my mind spins and my thought chases...
Empty spots, missing pieces -
My heart wants completeness
Yet finds it not where it should be.
Lord, Your word says in You...
I have You, yet not it.
Don't they go together?
Why the long road?
How many more steps must I take to reach home?
I grow weary and tired, and can't see the end -
Though I know it is there...
I see the faint light, faintly shining -
A glowing from the hearth;
but I am too far to feel its warmth.
Carry me, Lord. Carry me...
Rest, it is there.

14 March 2006

Good morning, Lord. This, another day that You have made. This, a breath of grace that I am still here, serving You and being Yours.

Father, I do not know what today holds. It is an unfolding mystery; new and unlike any other. I pray You be glorified in me today. Open my eyes, Lord. Open my ears and my heart and my mind - and fill me with Yourself.

Truly, thank You for all that is in store - the pleasant and the suffering. If I am granted the priviledge of suffering for Christ's sake today, may I rejoice and be glad in it.

Refine me, Father. It hurts, but I need it. I want to be more like Jesus, and that requires purification by fire. I know in Your timing You will put my feet to the flames again. Thank You for this moment of rest, however brief or long it be.

Thank You for Your word. For the simple abundance and satisfaction of drinking Your honey. Sometimes it, too, is painfull - but indeed it is a pain that brings intimacy and thus joy. Whom You love, You chasten. Chasten unto perfection.

As I open Your beautiful word, Father, please speak to me. Teach me. Soften my hard heart and turn it over. Plant Your wisdom and goodness there - Your grace and truth - and grow much fruit for Your name's sake.

May I be unmistakably Yours, Lord. Unmistakably different and in Love with the King of Creation.

Truly, my God, I love Thee. I woship Thee, and I fear Thee. Your grace is ever more abundant in light of Your power and righteous holiness. Thank You for Your mercy, without which I would be perishing. Make me holy, Lord - that You may be seen. I ask all these only because I am saved by the precious blood of Your spotless Lamb. Thank You, Jesus. In Your Son's name, Father, Amen.

21 March 2006

"I am bound, I am bound for the Promised Land."

Lord, 'overwhelmed' is the word of the moment. Overwhelmed with both ends of the spectrum: so much brokenness that I cannot lend a hand in; so much grace from a God whom I know is mending far better than I ever could.

Overwhelmed by the Beauty I see in Your face... and one day soon I will see You face to face. Overwhelmed that I am indeed bound for Glory - for the Promised Land. I am Yours, Father, and the goodness in that possession overwhelms me.

So much that is about to happen...

I love being a woman; I love Your design for men and women. I love the gift of femininity which You bestowed upon me in the womb, and which You now work out more completely each day.

I pray for all my brothers and sisters today - I pray you work out their masculinity and femininity to make them godly men who lead and initiate, and godly women who respond and adapt; and that TOGETHER inspire the opposite to be more fully what they are as You intend.

I have much to learn, also. Teach me a little more today, I pray, Lord. I want to be more fully Yours today, one little bit closer to Your likeness. Let me be a woman. May Your beauty be mine today.

This moment belongs to You, God. This is Your time. Your plan. Your design. It is neat to see what's coming - yet there is so much unknown. So much yet unveiled. Mystery. It is exciting; it is trying. :) I just will simply have to trust my Faithful Father. I know You have SO MUCH blessing for me. So much goodness. You are probably just as excited to watch me discover each gift. Thank You, Dad. Thank You for everything. In Your Son's name. Amen.

Back to blogging

The pace again slows down for a brief while as I ready for a journey. Term two of Medical Assistant training finished yesterday, and I'm taking this next modular off class to travel to Ankara, Turkey for the first half of April. There I will be living with a kindergarden and fourth grade teacher (both single Christian women) and helping them in their classrooms. The business administrator of the school is a man from my home church here; he, his wife, and two children moved to Turkey several years ago for this position. Mainly, I go for the relational and cultural experience - and to offer whatever help may be useful.

Until April 2nd, when I depart, I have this rare abundance of time Monday - Thursday when I would normally be at school. The availability is a welcome respite.

I've been reading Elisabeth Elliot's words on masculinity and femininity recently in "The Mark of a Man" and "Let me be a Woman." Now that I'm able to write beyond my daily journallings, I will share some thoughts thereon.

Not today, however. Eli will be here shortly - a two-year-old red head with the firey personality to match his crop - and then I will go to youth group.

Later.