So I have a new friend - or rather, a new aquaintance who is a brother in Christ who may become a friend. This is the stage of relating that I truly don't care for. I like being comfortable with people; knowing that they are trustworthy and trusting them; being known. I like when my quirks are expected and welcomed. Right now they're surprising, albeit seemingly endearing. ??? Then, I respond to his the same way. And it's fun, actually. So perhaps discovering my quirkiness is fun for him... If not, well, I guess we'll remain aquaintances. :)

Selah.

The writer's voice is quiet again of late - not suppressed or wearied, just quiet. Waiting. Many questions unanswered, doors unopened... I learn the intimacy of my Lord in His silence; a gift Oswald Chambers makes me aware of, deeper than the constant answers God has been faithful to give in the past when I required them of Him. Now I wait, glad to know His fellowship, if not the working of His hands.

My dad in Christ, that is Wayne, has a myeloproliferative disorder: his bone marrow is producing too many white blood cells. It may or may not be leukemia - we await test results to possibly rule that out. The thought of losing him is obviously not a pleasant one; but I pray should that day come soon (or later, really) that my heart will rejoice as he is finally free and in perfect communion with Christ in heaven. How could I wish to hold him back for my own comfort? Knowing he is with God forevermore should be a far greater comfort to me than having him here. Likewise with all those I love.

My brother Heath and I grow closer to each other - such a joy to my heart! Oh, that God's Spirit would open his eyes and break his heart and, having humbled him, exalt him in Christ! Fervently pray I for his soul; expectantly, I hope for God's glory.

Shadow of the Almighty

"Is it not, for all its sting, a wonderful way to live, Betty? To dream, and want and pray, almost savagely; then to commit and wait and see Him quietly pile all dreams aside and replace them with what we could not dream, the realized Will?"(Jim Elliot in a letter to Elisabeth)

She writes of him in the epilogue of his biography:

"Jim left for me, in memory, and for us all, in these letters and diaries, the testimony of a man who sought nothing but the will of God, who prayed that his life would be 'an exhibit to the value of knowing God.'"

happenings...

Tomorrow is "Employee Appreciation Day" at the coffeeshop. The store will be closed; we're going paintballing! :) This will be a first for me. My only weaponry experience is grasshopper hunting with a bb gun revolver (a favorite summer pass-time of my brother's and mine in our earlier years...).

I had dinner with my mom, brother, and mom's boyfriend tonight. Heath and I had a good talk on the drive home - there were questions I had never asked that God gave opportunity for, and though there weren't clear answers, there is clearly thinking going on. Please pray for him. He's also in a transition right now; he is looking for a new job and seeing the state of his life as it is - "I don't get lonely... I get drunk..." but not wanting to be with people who aren't living the same lifestyle... and yet enjoying my company (that's such grace right there) ... not refusing to be loved... I think it's all new for him. New to have someone want to care about him and listen and encourage and meet him where he's at. God meets us where we're at. That has been a theme of late... I just love my brother. As Wendy reminded me tonight, it's huge that we are even at the point that we're at now - that we are glad to spend time together - when we used to not be able to stand each other and always end up butting heads. God is working. I will be patient as He is patient and fight for my family in prayer. Thy will be done, Father.

Tomorrow I will turn twenty-three. More thoughts on that when we come to it.